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Monday, 5 October 2015

12 Things Nigerians Who Hate Mondays Will Understand

Monday: universally acknowledged as being the absolute worst day of the week.

The majority of you are back at work and if you’re not in your mundane 9-5 office job, you’re doing crazy shift patterns that make you so tired that you’re never quite sure whether you’re coming or going. You’re always hoping for some sort of last-minute snow storm that will miraculously allow you another day in bed, but unfortunately, life is cruel and work always finds a way.

Unfortunately when you’ve just had a full two days off side by side, you feel like getting up for work on a Monday morning can be physically painful, and all the cookies in the world couldn’t put a smile on your face. Instead, you drag yourself out of bed and already hate the day ahead of you for what it is.

The worst 24 hours of every week. Or at least the worst 8 when you’re actually in work: at least for the rest you can just go back to hibernating and wait for the week to properly begin on Tuesday.

 So here are 12 things people who hate Mondays will understand:

12. It’s The Start Of Another Countdown

You spend all of your week wishing for the weekend, praying to be your own boss and then on Sunday nights, you’ll hope that your workplace has been the subject of a terrible act of vandalism meaning that you can’t possibly go into work tomorrow.

You spend the majority of your time counting down hours; until lunch time, until home time and then until the weekend comes again. Repeat this every week until retirement.

11. You Were So Happy Yesterday

Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures
On Sunday morning, you felt so young and carefree and now you feel like an old, sagging witch who has been cursed to live one hundred years without sleep.

You were able to waste the day away with your family and friends and even though it’s rainy season here in Nigeria, you had a barbeque outside just because you could. You’re just that sort of crazy kid.

Sadly, those happy, heady days feel like a million years ago now you’re sat staring at an email from your supervisor laying out the plans for the week as if they’re actually excited about it.

10. You Have To SilentlyEndure That Guy You Can’t Stand Again


You have to smell him, listen to his annoying laugh and look at his stupid face while avoiding the urge to dive over the desks and smash his face in. Sometimes you have to just walk away to stop you having to spend any time in prison.

There’s always one person at work who seems to make it his mission in life to annoy the hell out of you, whether he actually has reason or not. He just apparently didn’t like the look of you on your very first day, or maybe he’s just that sort of toxic person.

Of course he isn’t aware of his BO problems, but it makes you feel a bit better about him hating you. At least you wash.

9. You Don’t Feel Free
You feel chained to your desk and you’re gutted at the fact that you’re now a grown up and you have a mortgage because if you didn’t have any responsibilities, you’d be happy to just walk out of that door forever.
Unfortunately you have a wife and two kids, or a house to pay for, or your house rent is due and your landlords is waiting . So walking out isn’t an option, which sort of makes you resent the happy version of yourself who goes home and spends all of the money on loved ones. Idiot.

8. You’re Sure You’re Still Hung Over

You’re tired, have very little patience and you’re craving a pizza at 9.30am… Clearly you’re still hungover from the weekend’s festivities.
In truth, you were probably just drowning your sorrows on Saturday night because of the big meeting coming up this week. After all, the only plausible solution to making that meeting go away was to drink an excessive amount of tequila.
Well, it made sense at the time.

7. Weekend Memories Are The Best

Happy Place Happy Gilmore Cowboy Gif Gif

You get to go and play outside, breathe in some fresh air and see all of your friends over the weekend. Before you know it, you’re in your happy place and wishing you could extend the two days longer (provided you’re actually one of those people who are lucky enough to get your days off in a row.)
You make your best memories on a weekend with the help of your friends’ various dramas (making you feel vaguely normal by comparison) and their company. That’s why it’s so hard to have to give them back up for the rat race.

6. Time Stops On A Monday

Clock Gif
For some reason Mondays seem to defy everything that you know to be true about the space time continuum. It is the longest day of the week and you cannot fathom as to why.
Someone needs to spend some time looking into the direct links between grumpiness in the work place and the linear passage of time, because the office clock has definitely been going backwards for the past hour.

5. You’re Always Tired

Friends Chandler Sleep Gif
You haven’t really had a lie in because your body clock is in work mode on Saturday morning and you’re usually full of alcohol on the Saturday night. You’re desperate to just sleep until lunch time and become reaquainted with your twenty year old self on either day, but it’s easier said than done.

But then when it comes to Monday, your sleepy instincts come flooding back. If you have children it’s even more of a struggle trying to get them up out of bed, and in to school on time while trying to convince your body to actually work in a normal way.
And all of that means you end up sitting at your desk with red-rimmed eyes, trying to keep your head from smashing into your screen.

4. You Have To Start Everything Today

Work Gif

Everything starts on a Monday.
Mondays are the days that you vow to get things done; you’ll try harder at work, you’ll join the gym and you’ll begin to eat healthily. How many times have you promised yourself that you’ll do these things over the weekend?
But when Monday finally comes, you’ll think, “I just need an extra week to get things sorted, and you can’t start a diet on a Thursday, that’s just ludicrous.”
So you end up hating Mondays because Monday wants you to eat a salad and all you want is cake.

3. They Never Ever Get Better

Marlon Brndo Gif
People always say that if you dread Monday mornings because you have to go to work or school, then it’s probably because you’re in the wrong job or you’re studying the wrong course. Those people are liars.
Besides, being told any of that nonsense doesn’t mean that you’ll actually change any of these things and you’ll continue to moan about how much you hate Mondays. Because changing anything requires way too much effort.

2. You Nearly Die On The Way To Work

Great Outdoors Gif
Monday morning commutes on the way to school and work are vicious. Everyone is in such a hurry because like you, everyone else also snoozed their alarms more times than they should have to avoid getting up that morning.
Of course you’re a part of the morning commute, so you’re just as likely to beep your horn at an old lady crossing the road as anyone else.

1. Everyone Else Is Just As Grumpy As You Are

I Hate Everything Gif

Everyone is in a bad mood and you can never be bothered to be that person to try and boost everyone’s morale. You don’t have enough energy to iron your shirt in the morning, let alone make all the miserable people  you work with happy.

So everyone just stays in a big grumpy mood for the rest of the day and all the way through until Friday, when you can escape the place for two whole days.

Do you hate Mondays? Share your pains below in the comments thread.

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