I met this guy through a friend. We got into the habit of chatting and we got to know each other even though we hadn’t seen physically since he stays in the United States.
Along the line, we developed feelings for each other and after a while, he decided to come to Nigeria to visit me.
When he came, we stayed in a hotel. I was so happy because I really liked him. He also claimed to like me as well. I went through a bad breakup with my ex, and I just want to be careful. We stayed in the hotel for three days, we made love. He came inside me, so we had to get a contraceptive. I was really scared because I didn’t want to get pregnant. I have planned my life and getting pregnant now is not in the plan. When I got home, I was scared because we still had unprotected sex. I wasn’t too sure I was safe so I got another contraceptive.
While I was at home, I gave a lot of thoughts to the disappointment my parents would feel if I should get pregnant now in addition to the turn my life would take. So I decided to stay away from sex till I get married.
Now I don’t know how to tell him that I have changed my mind about having sexual intercourse with him since we are now officially dating. I’m scared that he might not be interested in the relationship again as most guys love having sex. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.
Please Agatha, what do I do?
Confused Girl.
Dear Confused Girl,
Tell him the truth about your decision. Although this might create some kinds of confusion especially as you agreed to sleep with him when you hardly knew him and no form of relationship had been established, he would naturally wonder why this decision.
By coming out with the whole truth, including the bit about you not wanting to disappoint your parents or mess up your life, he will come to appreciate certain things your initial behavior did not give him time to value.
You must also endeavor to convince him that your decision isn’t aimed at blackmailing him into marrying you. This might naturally be his first line of thought but once you are able to convince him that your resolution comes from a desire to undo the mistake you made by agreeing to sleep with him without protection or regard for the impression you were giving him about yourself, he will reason along with you.
If you are both meant to be, he will listen to you and help you effect whatever correction you want to make in your life. But beyond the reason you have, it will help tell you what he really thinks of you; if you are meant to be just a play thing, a holiday fling while in Nigeria.
On the other hand, if he leaves you, it means his proclaimed interest in you is suspect; a good reason for you to evaluate your association with him.
Frankly, his reactions to whatever you have to say will go a long way in helping you arrive at a safe conclusion regarding where you really stand with him. Therefore, it isn’t just about pregnancy but about your own peace of mind.
As a woman who has suffered disappointment, you should have been more cautious than you were. What if you had contacted an infection from him or gotten pregnant and he denied responsibility for it? What story will you be telling? It pays to be vigilant always.
The fact that he will soon be leaving for his base means you will have to stop sleeping with him anyway. So if he gets unnecessarily angry because you refuse to sleep with him then something isn’t exactly right with the relationship.
Besides, you both need time to think about the relationship. One of the greatest challenges before you is cultivating this long distant relationship. A lot of efforts and wisdom have to be applied for it to succeed. And if sex is what you both put forward, it might be very difficult to focus on those little things which often than not, turn parasitic in marriages. If both of you are well tuned, sex will always be beautiful between the two of you.
But if there is a gap somewhere in your relationship, no matter how good your sex life is, it will never be enough to keep both of you together.
If he has good intentions for you, your character and not sex will be his major concern,
Good luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment