NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
This week has been very busy week at work
so I have not really spent time thinking about my last week’s break up. I am
now on my way to Brazil and I have the space to think whilst on the
flight.
Why am I hurting this much, I always
thought I could leave you and move on, but here I am affected by the break up.
I had to recall how it started some years ago.
The
eternal question that tortures every single woman who wants to have some fun
but not get emotionally involved with anyone, is could it really be no strings
attached affair?. If you had asked me some years ago I would have answered in a
split second, without even thinking about it “of course it can be just sex, you
don’t need to get emotionally involved!” Well, Now I am older and I have to
admit, with great regret, that I might not have been right. I have been trying to solve this great
mystery with friends and it seems that everyone’s opinion varies on the
subject. So I decided that maybe I should give my experience on this topic and
try to draw some conclusions out of it.
I have known him for years, but I was never
actually friends with him. I always thought that he seemed like a nice guy, a
good laugh, but never actually thought more of him. He was the first to approach me, first as a
friend and then flirting subtly with me. I had to give it to him; this guy was
smart. He knew how to play the game without making too obvious what he was
after. He was really nice, he would talk to me quite often (but not all the
time, so he gave me some breathing space as well!) and most of all he made me
laugh. Unfortunately at the time, I was not looking for a relationship, and
little did I know that neither was he.
Yes, I did reciprocate the flirting, but when we went out a few times, I
kept some safe distance, just to make it clear that I wasn't up for dating.
When a few months had passed by, it was
time to have a serious conversation with him. I got ready to turn him down
nicely (and let’s just say a little part of me took pleasure in it, it gave me
that feeling of having someone chase after me… I know what you are thinking,
and yes I’m embarrassed!). Imagine my surprise when he looked at me with a
smile and said “I don’t want a relationship either!” I felt humiliated and
embarrassed for my overconfidence and arrogance! But to my great surprise he
added: “What do you say to just having some fun?” and winked. No one had ever
asked me that before, but I always believed that casual sex was no big deal. And
I was right, for the next two years it wasn't.
We had a great time together. We would meet up whenever someone was
available, no commitment, we could date other people if we wanted to, if we had
to cancel then no one would moan over it or complain, and the sex… oh the sex
was just great! With no feelings there were no insecurities and with no
insecurities… everything was possible! I wouldn't care if I looked good doing
this or that, or if I was perfectly waxed, if I had enough make up on and so on
and so forth. I would just go there and it would be great every time! I had no
insecurities about trying anything new and I would just be myself, both in the
bedroom (or kitchen, office, car, couch, etc ) and outside of it! And when we
weren’t having sex, we would be having a good laugh over a glass of wine and a
nice pleasant conversation. Being with him was just easy and fun, and I never
questioned wanting anything more from him… until he went to work on a contact
in Australia. Imagine how difficult it is to stay in a long distance
relationship for years… almost impossible. Now you would think since two people
in love couldn’t manage to save their relationship from the distance, what
chance did we stand to save our ‘relationship’? So naturally, when I thought it
was all over, and I thought that the past two years were great, a lot of fun,
but that it's time to move on. I wished him all the best, told him we’ll talk
and catch up every now and then and that was it. Well, little did I know, that
my story with him did not come to an end there, but it was just the beginning
of a very messed up situation.
Yawns ……. I am tired and will get some
sleep, stay tuned for “the twist in my special relationship”
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